性暴力和关系暴力对每个人的影响都不同. 以下是一些可以帮助投诉人的指引, 受访者, 以及这些人的朋友和亲人. The below tips are not a comprehensive list of ways to interact with people affected by sexual violence, 但是这些指导方针可以帮助你度过生活中的困难时期.
定义
发牢骚的人
A 发牢骚的人 is the person reporting conduct that may have violated the Sexual Offense Policies
被调查者
A 被调查者 is the person being accused of violating the Sexual Offense Policies
发牢骚的人
帮助支持遭受性暴力的朋友的方法
People who experience sexual violence often disclose that information to a friend. While hearing this can be very confusing it is important that 你 have tools to help 你r friend. 你也可能会经历许多不同的情绪, 从悲伤, 愤怒和恐惧, 这都是正常的. While 你 cannot change what happened 你 can help 你r friend through their healing process by being supportive. 下面是一些如何帮助你的朋友的建议. 记住，在这段时间里，你也必须照顾好自己的健康. Supporting a friend who discloses to 你 may be difficult and require extra emotional labor if 你 have firsthand experience with sexual violence.
There is no perfect response for when a friend tells 你 that they have experienced sexual violence. 你的朋友信任你，试着给予支持和关心:
Let 你r friend do the talking, do not push them or attempt to automatically find a solution. 确保他们知道你很乐意他们向你求助.
让他们来设定节奏. 让你的朋友知道你很乐意他们告诉你.
This may make them uncomfortable and will make them think 你 do not believe them. 不要告诉他们你希望他们做什么或者不希望他们做什么, 这可能被视为没有帮助或不支持. Asking “why” questions can sound like 你 are blaming them for what happened and may upset 你r friend further.
- For example don’t ask “why they had so much to drink” or “why they went back to someone’s room”
Your friend said they were hurt, that should be enough for 你 to support them.
未经允许不要告诉任何人发生了什么事. 只告诉那些你信任的人，如果你相信他们的话, 你, 或者社区仍然处于危险之中.
知道去哪里寻求咨询服务, 就医, 证据保全, 报告很重要. Do not force them to follow any of these options but make sure they know the range of possibilities. 资源可在此找到: http://bit.ly / 2 jamggq
你可以提供信息和建议, 但最终还是要由他们自己决定下一步该怎么做. 帮助你的朋友对自己的决定有信心.
不要假设他们想要什么或需要什么. 尊重他们告诉你的. If they do not want certain types of help that is their right, do not force it upon them. 尊重他们的决定.
什么时候去寻求支持, 就医, 或向第九条办公室或警方提交报告 你r friend might not want to be alone. 如果他们想一个人去，随他们去吧!
While 你 may not have the same experiences as them 你 can empathize with what they are experiencing. Saying things like “it could have been worse” or “it’s going to be alright” are sympathetic responses that overlook what 你r friend might be feeling. Using phrases like “I am sorry this happened to 你” or “How can I help 你 right now?” are empathy based responses and will let 你r friend know 你 understand the gravity of the situation.
向他们保证这段经历不会改变你和他们的关系. 你关心他们，会尽你所能陪在他们身边.
Your friend is going through a difficult time and may need to spend time alone. Respect their time and space and always make sure to ask before hugging or making physical contact with them.
被调查者
帮助支持被指控性侵犯的朋友的方法
如果一个朋友透露他们被指控性侵犯, 感到困惑和有疑问是正常的. 你也可能会经历许多不同的情绪, 从悲伤, 要背叛, 这都是正常的. Your friend might be reaching out for support and it is okay if 你 are unsure of how to respond to them. You can help 你r friend find the information and/or support they are looking for without condoning their alleged behavior.
- 引导他们找到资源:
- Center for Counseling and Personal Growth: A counselor can talk to them about this experience in a confidential space.
- The 第九条办公室: Speaking to the 第九条 Coordinator can help them understand the process
- 对性暴力和关系暴力进行自我教育
- Understanding what 你r friend talking about will make 你 more able to support them during this process. It is not 你r job to determine what happened, but it is important that 你 understand the situation.
- 对…诚实 你的局限性 关于提供/在那里提供支持
- Everyone has a threshold of how much support they can provide for someone else. 一定要意识到自己的个人局限性. Encourage 你r friend to reach out to professional resources so that they can receive the support they are looking for.
- 尊重隐私和保密.
- 未经允许不要告诉任何人发生了什么事. 只告诉那些你信任的人，如果你相信他们的话, 你, 或者社区仍然处于危险之中.
- Let 你r friend do the talking, do not push them or attempt to automatically find a solution.
- While 你 want to help them understand and/or fix the situation this is not 你r responsibility. Let 你r friend process what is happening without jumping into problem solving.
- 在这些谈话中沉默是正常的
- 让他们来设定节奏. 做一个好的倾听者，不要试图去打破沉默.
- 让你的朋友自己做决定.
- 你可以提供信息和建议, 但最终还是要由他们自己决定下一步该怎么做. 帮助你的朋友对自己的决定有信心.
- 问问他们需要你做什么.
- 不要假设他们想要什么或需要什么. 尊重他们告诉你的. If they do not want certain types of help that is their right, do not force it upon them. 尊重他们的决定.
- 当他们参加相关会议时，主动加入他们.
- 当他们寻求帮助时，你可以和他们一起去, 就医, 或向第九条办公室或警方提交报告, 等. 如果他们想一个人去，随他们去吧!
- 你应该骚扰或威胁与此有关的其他人.
- Violence and retaliation are prohibited by Clark’s Sexual Offense policy and could result in disciplinary action against 你.
- Helping 你r friend find resources and support does not mean 你 approve or condone their alleged actions.
- 支持你的朋友，不要妄下结论. 选择什么发生了，什么没有发生，也不是你的责任, 这是亚洲体育博彩平台第九条小组的责任.
如何在支持别人的同时照顾好自己:
Knowing what 你r friend is talking about and the challenges they are facing as a 发牢骚的人 or 被调查者 will help 你 support them.
It is normal to have a strong reaction when learning about violence a friend has experienced or been accused of, especially if 你 or someone else in 你r life has experience with similar situations. 对自己有同情心，困惑、愤怒或害怕都是可以的. If 你 are struggling with this situation reach out to someone 你 trust, or a counselor at CPG. 重要的是，你也有人可以交谈. 而你无法改变发生在你朋友身上的事情, 你可以在这个过程中提供帮助, 但前提是你要照顾好自己.
While 你r intentions are in the right place it is important to recognize that what might make 你 feel better might not be helpful to 你r friend. Placing their needs and wants above 你r own desires for retaliation or 你r ideas about what we help them most, 从长远来看，对你的朋友最有利的是什么. 如果你不知道什么是最有帮助的，问他们!
你只能尽你所能. Not being able to provide 你r friend with all the support they require does not make 你 a bad friend or a failure. 为了成为一个好的支持系统，你必须照顾好自己. 确保你的朋友有几个可以求助的支持选择. Let 你r friend know 你 will not be hurt by them also talking to someone else, 你希望他们周围有一个强大的支持网络.
你向你的朋友提供的服务也同样适用于你! 在CPG找一个顾问，或者去第九条办公室. Just because 你 did not experience the violence 你rself does not mean it does not affect 你. 你的健康和幸福也很重要. 寻找一个支持系统, and make sure to continue to respect 你r friend’s privacy even as 你 seek help.